What About Halloween?

Grief and Halloween

When we talk about holidays that stir up grief, we usually think of the “Big Four”: Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, and New Year’s. But what about Halloween?

For many, October 31st carries its own deep well of memories, memories that can unexpectedly ache in the absence of someone we love. Maybe you once spent hours crafting costumes for your child, or carved pumpkins side by side. Maybe you and your partner attended parties in themed costumes every year. Or maybe your parents were the ones who made your childhood magical, the “cool house” on the block, covered in cobwebs and spooky lights, with a bowl of full-sized candy bars waiting at the door.

When those traditions stop, or the people you shared them with are no longer here, it’s natural to feel that emptiness. Halloween, with all its nostalgia and neighborhood energy, can shine a light on what’s missing, reminding us of laughter that used to echo through the night.

You might even find yourself feeling jealous of others who still have what you’ve lost. That jealousy doesn’t make you unkind or ungrateful. It simply means you’re human and you’re missing something deeply meaningful.

Grief often hides in the corners of our lives until something familiar brings it rushing back. A smell, a sound, a decoration, or a memory can all reawaken the ache of missing someone. Halloween can be one of those reminders, especially if it used to be a day full of creativity, community, and joy with your person.

So if this season feels tender, know that you’re not strange or alone. You’re simply remembering, and that remembering is a form of love.

Ways to Cope

Grieving during Halloween can feel confusing. The world is celebrating, children are laughing, and everything seems lighthearted, but inside, you may feel heavy, disconnected, or even resentful of the joy around you. These feelings are completely valid. Here are some gentle ways to care for yourself and your heart during this time:

Give Yourself Permission to Opt Out or Change Traditions – You don’t have to decorate, hand out candy, or attend parties if it feels too painful. Grief changes things, and it’s okay to give yourself permission to do Halloween differently… or not at all this year.
Create a New Ritual of Remembrance – Light a candle in memory of your loved one, place a pumpkin with their name on your porch, or display a photo, maybe one from Halloweens past, that makes you smile. These quiet acts of remembrance can help bridge the past with the present.
Be Mindful of Emotional Activators – Sounds, smells, or familiar decorations might stir up sudden waves of grief. When that happens, take a breath, pause, and remind yourself that what you’re feeling is love taking a different shape.
Connect with Someone Who Understands – Reach out to a friend, grief companion, or support group. Talking about your memories or emotions can make them easier to hold. You don’t have to walk through this season alone.
Do Something Soothing or Grounding – Watch a comforting movie, go for a walk under the autumn leaves, or cook a favorite fall dish. Grounding yourself in small, sensory experiences can help regulate emotions and restore balance.
Allow the Memories to Come – If tears arrive, let them.

Letting the Joy In

At some point, you may find yourself smiling at a child’s costume, laughing at a memory, or feeling a spark of happiness you didn’t expect. When that happens, don’t rush to push it away. It’s common to feel guilty for moments of joy after loss, as if allowing yourself to feel light means you’re letting go of the person you miss. But joy does not mean forgetting. It means your heart is beginning to find space for both the pain of loss and the beauty of life that continues around you.

You can hold grief and gratitude at the same time. You can mourn what is gone and still cherish what remains. Letting joy in is part of how we learn to live again, one small moment at a time.

Brad McMasters, Grief Educator & Coach